Snow Cherries

Amazed

2012-01-25T19:07:00.000-08:00

The last couple of days I've really looked forward to checking my email/facebook. I have been touched and moved by the support and encouragement I have received in response to my latest blog. Some of you I know well and others not as well, but have taken to heart each and every comment. Thank you for sharing your reflections on my experience but also for sharing bits of your own wilderness experience. I think these kinds of experiences are probably a lot more common than most people know or realize. Perhaps the really sad part is how unaware most are of others' journeys through the wilderness. I think it is vital that we are more in-tune with other's journeys. Of course this requires not only a willingness to know what's happening to your friends, but it also requires people being willing to share and be vulnerable in their own wilderness experience. How many of us are willing to do that?

Wilderness

2012-01-23T19:39:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I have been moved by a sermon. That's not to say the messages I've been hearing have been bad or irrelevant - they just haven't spoken to me. Until Sunday.

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
   my hope comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
   he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
   he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, you people;
   pour out your hearts to him,
   for God is our refuge...
...One thing God has spoken,
   two things I have heard:
“Power belongs to you, God,
and with you, Lord, is unfailing love”;
and, “You reward everyone
according to what they have done.”
Psalm 62: 5-8, 11-12

My soul, find rest in God. Finding rest (and peace) seems to be an illusive dream these days for me. The past months, maybe even year, have felt like a real wilderness to me. A place that is dry and rather hopeless. While I have tried to remain positive and place my full trust in God, it isn't very easy for me or natural. I felt forced to resign from a position I loved. I have left the congregation which was my home. In most ways I have put my calling on hold. And our financial situation has been stretched to the max. And I am left with a lot of guilt and a longing for something more.

Find rest in God, my soul. My soul that is wounded. My faith that is lacking. And my trust that has disappeared. Find rest and put your hope in God.

Pics of the kids

2012-01-15T18:54:00.000-08:00

Here we go

2012-01-15T18:39:00.000-08:00

As a means for an outlet and somewhere to process what is going on in my mind, I've decided to give blogging another try. As I write this, I've discovered that for tonight I have nothing much of importance going on in my mind. Perhaps I will try again tomorrow.

Ella at Two

2008-10-17T19:40:00.000-07:00

Out of the lips of babes

2008-06-09T18:06:00.000-07:00

When I put Ella to bed this evening I read her a couple of books like I usually do. Curious George books are her favorite these days - along with her "pray" book. As a parent (and pastor) I want her to learn Bible stories and learn who Jesus is and decide to follow Him. While I've read some Bible stories with her she doesn't always sit still the best for those - however, she loves her "pray" book.

We do pray before meals together as a family - we all hold hands around the table and say, "Come Lord Jesus, be our guest..." If we happen to forget, she makes sure to remind us. I say a prayer with her before she goes to bed. I also hold her hands as we pray - just like we do before a meal. She always ends the prayer with her own "amen." It's really quite precious.

Lately, as she looks at her prayer book, she folds her hands (like we're all taught as little kids), brings them up to her face, says her own prayer (in her own gibberish) and ends it with an amen. She did that a number of times this evening. It's so incredibly precious. What I don't understand is where she learned to fold her hands like that. Neither set of grandparents taught her that and Jeremy and I haven't. So where has she picked it up? Is it innate? She goes to church but when prayers happen there how many people really fold their hands and bring them up to their face?

Wherever it has come from, I hope that her desire to pray continues, that she commits her life to Jesus, and that nothing steals her innocence.

DVBS

2008-06-06T19:24:00.000-07:00

Daily Vacation Bible School is a tradition that goes back as far as I can remember. I have memories of sack lunches, Bible stories, teachers, recreation and music. As a kid I went through 8th grade as a student, in high school I helped out with rec and now that I am a pastor at the church I've taught for the past7 years. Each year has it's joys and it's struggles. As the time approaches for the hyped up week of Bible School I look forward to it with anticipation. And it never disappoints.

This year, the week began for me with a fever, an achy body, sore throat and stuffy nose. However after a little rest, I snapped out of it and continued the week with enthusiasm. By the end, I was ready for it to be done. I was away from Ella more than usual and things around the house were being neglected.

Tonight was the open house and program. While listening to the singing and watching the faces of all the kids I was reminded why I love Bible School. There is little as good as listening to their voices singing the truths of scripture. I fought a lump in my throat, while smiling as I watched the actions, throughout the entire program.

Bible School is a place that is safe and fun for these kids. Here they are accepted and loved unconditionally. Here they run after the "cool" high school kids who chase them in return. It's here that they express their love of God. This is where relationships are formed and strengthened.

I love Bible School and look forward to packing a lunch for Ella when she is old enough to go.

Time flies

2008-06-02T19:36:00.001-07:00

It's been a long time since I've posted. There have been many written in my head but they don't make it to the computer. This is mostly why...

The one decent picture taken in the studio a couple of weeks ago. It figures that the photographer's daughter is the one who can't sit still.

Not sure what's happening here. Being silly with dad I think.

We were waiting in a restaurant with friends and grandma Bix and Hunkapapa. These are Bix's glasses - she was being a complete cheese ball.

When she wants milk, she really wants milk - even if it means she gets the jug herself. She'll go the fridge, get the jug, bring it to us and after her cup is filled, she'll take the jug back. The first time she did it we laughed and laughed.

Ella loves to feed her stuffed animals and her baby. She is nurturing and loving.

Who are they?

2008-04-07T07:36:00.000-07:00

Last night while we were watching TV an advertisement for the Simpsons came on, Ella called them "monkey." I laughed.

Backet

2008-03-31T20:17:00.000-07:00

Jeremy and I have discussed the fact that while we want her to be well-rounded - enjoying music, theater, art, and sports, we don't intend to push Ella into any activities that she really doesn't have an interest in. We have seen too many kids involved in activities that they don't enjoy simply to please their parents or because they feel pressure from peers or directors and coaches. These kids are miserable and usually end up not being all that successful at anything.

However, we can't help but be happy when in the last couple of weeks Ella has developed a new passion for basketball. She spots basketball hoops outside from blocks away and is learning to dribble - yes it is true! She doesn't have it mastered yet, but she's still young. No longer does she want to look at her "baby" magazines, but instead goes for the Sports Illustrated and the articles high-lighting March Madness. This morning while I was gathering laundry upstairs she made her way up the stairs, carrying the remote, begging to watch "backet." And she was thoroughly distraught when we went to Sterling Hall for Schmeckfest on Saturday afternoon and she discovered that the hoops were folded up and there were no balls in sight. Last time she was there she had found it highly amusing to watch mommy play basketball for the Alumni games. And enjoyed running out on the court herself.

On the flip side, Grandma Bix brought her to Schmeckfest musical rehearsal the other day and she was mesmerized by the nuns and danced along with the kids. And she loves to play the piano and is beginning to sing along.

I think she will be well-rounded after all. Now all we need is to get her onto the soccer field and mom will be happy.

2008-03-22T20:02:00.001-07:00

The face of our little angel. She makes me happier than anything.

The light was perfect. The face adorable. My guess is that either "Elmo" or "Bee" was playing on the TV.

What is cuter than little feet and toes of a little angel? Not much I say.

Another Tooth!

2008-02-18T15:20:00.000-08:00

I never would have thought there'd be this much excitement over a tooth. But finally, one more tooth has emerged. Ella's first 4 teeth popped out around 9 1/2 months. There has been no action since then. She's 17 months. Now, after many predictions and much anticipation there is one more tooth with more that I can feel just about poked through. Ella has been gumming her food for months which has limited her to some degree on what she can eat. Perhaps this will be her turning moment in the food department. She had a fussy night last night and a rough afternoon - but if it means more teeth, we'll put up with it. The old wives' tale is that the longer it takes kids to get their teeth, the better their teeth will be. Here's to good teeth!

On a side note, I thank God for stores like the Et Cetera Shoppe in Freeman. I put the manager, who is also a friend of mine, on the look out for spring/summer clothes for Ella. She grows so quickly and with our budget being what it is, I knew I couldn't buy her all new clothes. Today I bought a whole box of clothes - that are mostly quite cute and will do just fine for hot summer days playing outside - for $30. The average price per item: $1.00. Thanks Kris!

Our little dearest

2008-01-30T20:10:00.000-08:00

We've been having so much fun with Ella these days. She's happy, energetic, silly, and loves babies. She's talking more but still only has 4 teeth. (We're trying not to be too worried.) She loves to wash her hands when she's done eating and is beginning to let us know when she has a dirty (of the smelly kind - as if we couldn't tell) diaper. She plays in the refrigerator whenever we're not looking and is a puzzle master. In general, she never stops moving. I'm not sure how it's possible, but she gets cuter every day.

California Experience

2008-01-30T19:54:00.000-08:00

Jeremy and I were recently in La Jolla, CA for the winter board meeting of ISWNE of which Jeremy is president. The weather was beautiful and the company was grand. While the view from our room was crappy (hello stucco wall) the hotel was on the beach. Here are a couple of pictures from outside our hotel.

A Mama's Heartache

2007-11-26T18:14:00.000-08:00

This year our Thanksgiving was rather uneventful - until Ella woke up from her afternoon nap on Friday. I could tell right away that something wasn't right. She typically needs a snack when she wakes up but she wasn't interested in anything I offered. She was also much crankier than usual. She felt a little warm. I took her temperature and confirmed what I already suspected - she had a slight fever 99.5 degrees. I figured it wasn't too serious and gave her a little Tylenol and hoped she'd be OK. She was awfully fussy and cuddly the remainder of the afternoon.

I don't mind that Ella was cuddly - in fact, I've often wished she was more so. But because she was I knew something was wrong. I gave her a bath and she just shivered, which she never does. I put her in warm pj's, took her temperature again and decided to put her to bed. She woke up once during the night but nothing too serious.

Saturday she still wasn't well. I figured she must be teething - no stuffy or runny nose, no throw up, no pulling on the ears - all things I thought I should watch for. But her temperature was higher and she wanted to be held all the time. Her temp eventually came back down but her fussiness continued. What do you do for a little one who can't communicate with you what she's feeling?

That evening was rough. She was so tired but wouldn't go, or stay, asleep. All she wanted was for me to rock her and cuddle her. By this time Jeremy and I were both tired and feeling horrible for Ella. What to do? We eventually decided to do what we always said we didn't want to do - we brought her to bed with us. That seemed to calm her down and she finally fell asleep. Of course I didn't (who would have thought such a little person could take up so much bed!) But my little baby was finally sleeping, that's all that mattered.

Sunday was more of the same. Slight fever, fussy, cuddly, and no appetite. I felt so bad for her. Jeremy was gone most of the day but I stayed home from church to be with her. By the time I was cooking supper and trying to clean up the kitchen, she was so tired she was laying down on the kitchen floor. Again, it was early to bed for her.

This morning, she didn't seem to have a fever anymore but was still unhappy. I talked with my sister and she suggested I call the doctor. I did and he said if her fever spiked again I should take her in. She woke from her nap with a rash around her forehead and the back of her neck. Time to take her to the doctor. It seems she has Roseola. I've since discovered that it's pretty common and most have heard of it. I hadn't. Ella fits the symptoms perfectly: fever for a few days followed by a rash beginning on her head and working it's way down her body. The rash should only last a few days and then she should be better. At least now we know.

So tonight as I rocked my little munchkin to sleep (which took all of 2 seconds) I looked on her with love. My heart broke for her as I knew she was uncomfortable. But also knew that she should feel better soon and will be back to her adorable, happy self. Just give her a few days.

Views from a staircase

2007-11-17T17:57:00.001-08:00

Saturday at home

2007-11-17T17:39:00.000-08:00

It's a rare Saturday that both Jeremy, I and Ella are all home together the entire day with "nothing to do." Both of our works often take us away from the home on the weekends for at least part of the time - and if not work, then our volunteer commitments. Today was one of those days that we spend time at home - the entire day - from sunup to sundown. We did things that haven't gotten done during the week - like finish bringing stuff over from the old house to putting up pictures and curtains in the bedrooms. While there is still a lot to do until we will feel "settled" in our new home, days like today help.

The time spent as a family is invaluable, however, 'Jeremy and me' time is also invaluable (and even rarer than Saturdays at home). So I just put Ella to bed and while I finish writing this blog, Jeremy is finishing cooking us a fabulous supper of marinated steak, twice baked potatoes and green salad. I'm sipping a glass of wine called Relax and am ready to eat and then watch a movie with Jeremy. Life is good and as we begin the week of Thanksgiving there is indeed much to be thankful for.

Facebook

2007-11-12T18:49:00.000-08:00

I realize I'm behind the times, but I finally created an account on Facebook. I've been told if I want to stay connected to the youth or get messages to them I need to forget email and either text them or use facebook. So I am now attempting to reach them where they are - on the internet. I don't have a really good idea of how to navigate it but I've already seen pictures of friends that I haven't talked to in a really long time. So if nothing else, I'll connect with them.

Our Ella

2007-11-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

Little Person

2007-09-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

How can someone so little capture my whole heart? If I had $5 for every time I said, "Look at Ella, she's so adorable." I'd be rich and we'd have no more debt. What a gem of a human being. It's been almost a year now since she's been born - each day I think she's cuter and smarter than the one before. How is that possible?

Things that make me go #%@$

2007-05-24T07:55:00.000-07:00

I'm not typically a cursing woman, however there are a few things that get under my skin and make me want to curse like a sailor.

Dog hair in the house
Stepping in water with socks on (I call it wet sock syndrome)
Barking dog
Jeremy's sock and t-shirt drawers
Being poked in the face
Having my pillows thrown to the floor
Not being able to find a matching lid for tuperware when trying to put away leftovers
Being asked questions during a TV program when the questioner doesn't really care what the answers are and is just being annoying
The Minnesota Twins playing lousy and losing

Flowers and palms

2007-05-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

I can still say I'm in my 20's. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but I choose to believe it is. However, I can say that for only one more year. Today I turned 29. There's nothing special about 29, unless you have a husband like I do. He's a gift giver, and give gifts he does.

After he made me breakfast (not in bed - let's be practical) he gave me a bouquet of flower seeds to be planted. And a palm pilot. He doesn't like my current planner - it is rather old and ugly looking - and since I'm chief organizer for the family and business he deemed it a practical gift. So far it is a very fun toy.

He also sent me a bouquet of flowers at work.

He had been given strict instructions to not get me anything big or expensive - but he so rarely listens to me. And truthfully, it's nice that he doesn't.

Pastors and Turtles

2007-05-09T09:09:00.000-07:00

As I drove to work this morning, I saw a number of turtles in the middle of the road. They were just haning out there, perhaps crossing from one side to the other. Do they realize how dangerous that is? Do they understand how quickly they could be smashed flat by an oncoming car?

As a pastor, that is how I've been feeling lately. I'm stuck in the middle. I have been given a job to do, even if it's just crossing from one side to the other, but I have people coming at me from all directions threatening to smash me flat.

But as the turtles cross the road no matter the danger, so I feel that my job is important. I feel that it is my calling. And so I, too, cross the road, no matter the danger.

Budding Trees

2007-05-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

It seems that just over night the trees have come to life. I love it! I for one have been so tired of the cold, dreary rain and clouds. Bring on spring! We here in SoDak live in a climate of extremes, however. The last two days have reached in 90 degrees - in April! While that may be a bit too warm, I'll take it compared to cold.

For now, I love seeing the trees grow their leaves, increasing spots of shade. Green is overtaking brown. Life is overtaking death. Spots of color appear in flowers and laughter fills the evening air as children ride their bikes and play outside.

I look forward to taking Ella outside and watching her experience the coolness of the grass and the breeze in her face. I embrace the challenge of keeping grass, rocks, dirt, sticks, and bugs out of her mouth. This summer will not be like any other.

Birthday

2007-04-25T18:25:00.000-07:00

Today is my dad's birthday. For his sake I won't say how old he is. A couple of days ago Jeremy and I, along with my brother and his wife and mom and dad went out to eat at his favorite restaurant, Famous Dave's, in SF. While Jeremy and I had just been there 2 days before and weren't real excited to go again so soon, it was worth seeing how happy my dad was eating ribs and getting BBQ sauce up to his elbows.

The only thing missing was the presence of my two sisters who don't live near us.

While birthdays were never a huge deal at our home growing up, I am particularly grateful that I am living near him to help him celebrate; none of us are getting any younger. In fact, it is a reason we're living in Freeman. To be near family and to have Ella grow up with both sets of grandparents.

So, happy birthday, dad. Don't work too hard and enjoy the ribs!